Melancholy Mondays just rambling that is all

I did not have a good week health wise. I dislike being or feeling weak or snowing weakness. This week I was a wishy Dom. I gave answers and made decisions on what I could loose. That is not honourable in anyway. I made a decision not to allow minion to wall climb. I know that I cannot climb up and get her if she is in trouble. So the easy way out is to say no. Poor decision CLoud. I have corrected it today. I want to control strong beings if I cause some one to fail a challenge without trying then what am I in control of.

March is a bad month for me memories of friends long since gone return around this time. One especially he was a dear friend a few years older than I. will not go through reasons why he was just that he was. He went down to the marines and was shipped over to Vietnam in the late sixties. His body has never returned nor been found. Is this a reason for melancholy ? No it was an honourable death the way he would have like to go. I can hear his voice I no longer remember what his face was like that makes me sad.

Sitting at the munch, I looked down the table and saw the faces of new people. They were young and questioning and full of life. I remembered an old friend name of Captain,. He was one of the first that I had sat with at the munch. We were both switches and traded great stories, mostly from him to me. His face was not there and has not been for a while. I hope I can remember his face in years to come. I realize that I was the new face not long ago and now I have moved down the table to replace those that have left the table.

Last night as I sat there, I felt eyes looking at me, well not me at my arm. It was twitching, a condition I call the shakes, I saw sympathy in their eyes. A feeling that I do not enjoy is the idea of weakness in me. No matter what words I think of that is the word I loathe the most. Weakness. Not in others that is okay others can be sick or not up to the day they are human, but not me, I bounce back or so I think.

This morning I did not wake early my legs decided to pretend they were anchors. I was comfortable and so what if this day the world gets a jump on me what does it matter. I then remember the look in minion's eyes one of worry and concern. Well enough melancholy. There is armor to wear and battles yet to be fought I have slept this morning and that is enough. I am not yet ready to face a Polar bear but I am ready to face the next challenge. After all what monument would I have after a battle with a bear. Except, some dung on the ice and a bear picking it's teeth with a sword.