The rites of spring

No not those rites maybe just a ritual. A young lady who's name is Sabri comes to visit with me the first day of nice weather . She spies me in my garden and out she pops from her dad's van to chat. When she first started this it was shortly after my heart attack and subsequent surgery. The first time the question was how is your heart? Over the years she has lost the innocence of youth and has progressed to May I ask about your health? I tell her storied of the ant and the cricket and I try to portray a grouchy old man when I tell her stories she laughs and sits waiting for the next. I ask her when she is going to start driving and with a funny face will tell me I have not yet master my bike yet. She has great intierest when I pratice she wakes almost every morning early to come and watch.

A call will come for homework or supper and she will shout back asking for five more minutes.

I have started my gardens and cleaned up some what of the drive way, my hands are dirty but that is just a regular day. The smell of growth and wet ground is in the air, I know that summer is almost here because I have had my first conversation with Sabri all is good in the world.

A day of thinking I think

It is funny how the western world regards evil as something that must be vanquished. The oriental world sees it as necessary without it there is no good. Western and I include Europe in this all conclude that Dragon are evil creatures of the devil. Workers of magic in the devil's bidding. For the oriental world well they think of them as bringers of luck. Perhaps the ying and yang of this world is the Western and the oriental worlds
I have to go along with the oriental world we need both. A book called Buddhism the way of the warrior, States we must fight evil in all places we find it. Do not look for evil in the faces of the beautiful or the hideous instead first look for it in the reflection of the mirror. So if it is part of us all. I guess that means at least to me that we can't be all bad. We must constantly measure all that we do and say so that the battle will be even.

Gilbran says of good and evil:

"Of good in you I can speak ,but not of the evil. For what is evil but good tortured by it's own hunger and thirst. Verily when good is hungry it seeks food in the darkest caves and when it thirsts it drinks even of dead water.
For a house divided is not a den of thieves; but a house divided."
He goes on to say :
"You are good when you strive to give of yourself. Yet you are not evil when you seek gain for yourself"

By his statements I would have to say he does not believe in evil just good looking out for it's self. Again much more of the oriental way of thinking then the Western. I feel that balance is important when you are out of balance all goes wrong . So for me balance is a form of ying and yang we must be a little evil and a little good from time to time and just enjoy it as it is part of who I am.

Now for the reason I wrote this blog : " I just liked the pictures" I hope you enjoyed them and if not well that is my evil side just bugging you a bit.

It must be Tuesday and Tyr is around again

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Simple words , a very clear meaning, no longer there. It was once you reached down with the mouse and clicked and up it popped. Giving away the thoughts and musings of one self. Exposing one soul to the scrutiny of others. I looked forward to every new post with anticipation. morningstar's blog suggest an almost addiction to reading of blog. The withdrawal syptomns are there when one blog disappears. We normally get over it, we miss it but we move on. Sometimes we fight even though we know we cannot win.

What is it when we cannot move on. What if we click on it every morning in the hopes that it was just a local problem and it will come on soon. Most things do not affect me I like to think I am cold a man of honour. Honour many times requires you doing what is right not what you want to. This is the place I find myself now. In hell wishing I could be not so honourable willing to take what I want instead of what I should. A raider from the north I am not, I have shined my armour and sharpened my sword too often to change and that is part of the sadness I wish I could change. I am an atheist but if there be gods I shall carry my sword and axe to the grave and from it with one purpose in mind, to cause the gods the same pain that I feel. To let them know what is to be human.

I have lost to the structure of the vanilla world, to what is right and what should be. I do not wish to turn this into blog of melancholy I have had enough of that. I will leave the link for my pleasure. I will when first I open the PC click on it, above all the rest. Sitting there while it loads I will remember what I had, the strength I gained from her, the joy I had with her. Then those words will appear and the emptiness I feel with her gone from my life will take over again. Still I hope not for long, it must be a local problem.

Just the rantings of a little more empty old man or school boy talking about lost loves. Tomorrow I will be back to the warrior of honour smiling and happy with life as it is and should be, today I will revel in the one that by-passed my armour and touched my heart.

Just words

I have just finished reading a book called Five people you meet in heaven. Very interesting it goes along with my belief in the butterfly effect. That everyone affects everyone else in this existence. I do not cry or weep at movies no I am not in touch with my feminen side. However the air was quite dry while reading this book. My eyes did burn and water but that is natural for the body to try to sooth the injured parts of the body is it not? It could not be the words that transmitted such powerful images that it caused the air to be so dry?

Words like actions are often mis-understood. The interpretation is in the mind of the beholder. Depending on the mood they react in different ways. One can sing praises, write stories and tell everyone they met how great some one is. One action one word mis-interpreted and the wound from that knife will never heal. A knife is a good description of a word and action of this nature. It is concealed easily enough. Unlike a sword where you see it removed from sheath most of the time. You know you are in a sword fight the mere action of wielding a sword causes that knowledge. A knife so easily slips from beneath a cloak and into your ribs before you feel the pain. Spearing and lashing it's way to the most unprotected areas of your heart and soul or id.

I have knives and treat them with great respect for the damage they can do with so easily a stroke. They are a weapon that can be so honourable. Also being a weapon of dishonour easily used and without acknowledgements from the victim. Funny how words and actions two of the things that we use to communicate with so often provide us with the wrong interpretation all because of mood. We so often know what the person is going to say we do not read the words of what they do say.

All this rambling , because of dry air and maybe a book given to me by a friend. Thank you for reading this and to K thank you for the book. K is a letter that I miss in my email in box every day no words will ever stop that, oops dry air again.

The best laid plans

Well , a word I use often to start saying something, it was suppose to be a day of cleaning up and priming walls. Work that would allow me not to have thought. To be able to stay away from life and watch a red wall covered in white primer. A new canvas of sorts. One to get rid of a red hideous looking wall like a winters first snow that allows you not to think of the garden and what you have planted. A soothing time for me.

Puck must truly be the god that looks over me. A trickster at best he has clouded my mind. I have the paint , I have the roller and drop cloth. I have sanded all is ready but for the paint tray. Puck has hidden it away or has foreseen this day. He must have whispered in my ear months ago" you do not need this throw it out". Foolishly I listened to my god and did his bidding. Thus unwittingly causing my dilemma of this day. No paint tray, while I wanted to work and sweat to loose myself in this work I will not paint the room with a brush only. There is no Domme with whip in hand standing behind me this day and no one to fetch a tray for me.

In olde English I believe the saying was : The day of sun and shine gang off to go a glaie when plans not well made are followed this day. For those that know not the olde the newer version is "the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray" . Fitting, both are today, the sun disappears and the paint will stay in the can. Time to read if I can find my glasses, oh bother.

Ships that pass in the night

Sometimes the natural forces of life do not allow for what should have been. The excitement of finding a soul male sometimes blinds you as to what is possible and what is plausable. When ships met on the high seas, in days of old there is joy and excitment. They had had no news or contact besides the fellow shipmates. The other ship served as a quick acknowledgement that you were still alive there was still hope for your journey to end well. Then the ship sailed on and you were left with greater knowledge but with sadness that they were going in a different direction than you.

I find relations sometimes have a similar outcome. I can not stop the ship for long nor can I get off and swim to the other. Honour and duty bind me to my ship as it does to my soul mate and her ship. We have seconds to go from sheer hapiness and bliss to sadness and despair. We do not know if the other's jouney will end in safety and sucess. The future again is in the hands of our duties and honour and circumstance. What we had will have to the base of fantasies in the hope that next time we will be on the same ship heading in the same direction sharing the same duties and honour.

Fare thee well my minion.

Worthiness or worry

We all do it. Lifestylers and vanillas, Dom/mes and subs, Masters and slaves worry it they are worthy. They think about the loss of love if it should occur how can they survive? They think of what will they do without that special person in their life. They say what if tomorrow I am not there for them what will they do how will they survive. We as a race worry to much on "what ifs" it is a pet peeve of mine. I fight against it I try not to do it but it happens. Then all the thoughts you did not want to think of rushes forth producing guilt in you. You question your worthiness to the world let alone those that need and love you.

How do I cope? Well the butterfly affect. I have written about it many times in my blog and others . The effect that the flap of a butterfly's wing has on weather around the globe. We are all butterflies. To sit on a branch and not flap a wing, to hold our wings so tight that there is no motion is wrong. The no motion still affects the weather for the lack of the flap. The flowers are affect with no visits from the butterfly and yes the birds suffer with the loss of a food item. I try to be a butterfly in an erratic flight pattern. Touching everything and will till the birds are successful or the strength finally goes

After my visit to the Doc's yesterday I was given new challenges to overcome. At least that is what I call them today yesterday they were oh hell with butterflies where is that polar bear. I fought to get out of bed as the what ifs started to form. Until I read a blog I have been following for while,. I will not get gushy or mushy or go into details or say who. I just want to say thanks for the gentle push of your wings you see you do have worth and purpose keep smiling.

Tuesday

Some countries or people have superstitions one is not to start a journey or project on a Tuesday it is suppose to end in bad lick. Tyr the god, whose name is used for Tuesday, probably would not agree. Yes he lost his hand in the mouth of a wolf but it was not a journey nor a project. In a way it was forced upon him. The wolf one that would devour the sun had to be bound since it could not be killed, to stop it from having it's sunny treat. So magical ribbons were made and the wolf was told it was to decorate him. The wolf being cunning thought it was a trap so he said he would allow it a god would put his hand in the wolf's mouth. Tyr did knowing that the wolf would bite it off when it realized it was a trap.

Tyr would not have change his thinking if it was Tuesday or the 13 th., or a black cat walked across his path. He knew it had to be done to make it better for all. One of the gods I have some respect for a quality that all supposed gods and leaders should have in my opinion. Most leaders and gods do not. So I am hoping that the next leader of the Liberal party is missing a hand just so we know where he or she stands. Imagine knowing what some one stands for before being elected. Was that a lighting bolt!

Melancholy Mondays just rambling that is all

I did not have a good week health wise. I dislike being or feeling weak or snowing weakness. This week I was a wishy Dom. I gave answers and made decisions on what I could loose. That is not honourable in anyway. I made a decision not to allow minion to wall climb. I know that I cannot climb up and get her if she is in trouble. So the easy way out is to say no. Poor decision CLoud. I have corrected it today. I want to control strong beings if I cause some one to fail a challenge without trying then what am I in control of.

March is a bad month for me memories of friends long since gone return around this time. One especially he was a dear friend a few years older than I. will not go through reasons why he was just that he was. He went down to the marines and was shipped over to Vietnam in the late sixties. His body has never returned nor been found. Is this a reason for melancholy ? No it was an honourable death the way he would have like to go. I can hear his voice I no longer remember what his face was like that makes me sad.

Sitting at the munch, I looked down the table and saw the faces of new people. They were young and questioning and full of life. I remembered an old friend name of Captain,. He was one of the first that I had sat with at the munch. We were both switches and traded great stories, mostly from him to me. His face was not there and has not been for a while. I hope I can remember his face in years to come. I realize that I was the new face not long ago and now I have moved down the table to replace those that have left the table.

Last night as I sat there, I felt eyes looking at me, well not me at my arm. It was twitching, a condition I call the shakes, I saw sympathy in their eyes. A feeling that I do not enjoy is the idea of weakness in me. No matter what words I think of that is the word I loathe the most. Weakness. Not in others that is okay others can be sick or not up to the day they are human, but not me, I bounce back or so I think.

This morning I did not wake early my legs decided to pretend they were anchors. I was comfortable and so what if this day the world gets a jump on me what does it matter. I then remember the look in minion's eyes one of worry and concern. Well enough melancholy. There is armor to wear and battles yet to be fought I have slept this morning and that is enough. I am not yet ready to face a Polar bear but I am ready to face the next challenge. After all what monument would I have after a battle with a bear. Except, some dung on the ice and a bear picking it's teeth with a sword.

I am tagged

Recently Masters pet and Master tagged me with the challenge of writing Haiku. I seldom play tag , but this time it was interesting. Haiku writing poetry that does not rhyme but has rules and structure, sounds like a bdsm lifestyle to me, so I sent minion in search of the rules. minion came back with this explanation to me.

Three lines 17 syllables maximum, no rhyming no metaphor's. The first two lines are different but relate to the last line . First line has 5 syllables the second 7 and the last 5. Of course the 5-7-5 rule had to be followed as it was a pure form. A side note Master Haiku who was famous did it in 3 lines 9 syllables. My minion came up with the comparison of the days of the beatniks in smoke fill coffee houses reciting words that had no rhyme and little structure. My mind wandered to a Dojo in Japan , smoke fill of course, with samurai in sun glasses listening to a solitary drum beat and words by Master Haiku.

I digressed, writing words that do not rhyme, follow a structure and have to mean something at the end is not easy. First of all you have to count syllable which for me meant clicking my fingers for minion it was clapping. I will not say what sweet words I spoke but will post my Haiku:

To Master and his pet my Haiku

In Darklight we thought
minion heard what I spoke of
Master Haiku cries

Now to translate picture a Master of violin listening to a 5 year old child play a screeching note for the first time while the boys friend sits in adoration of the symphony that his friend is performing. Great thanks for the hours of torture that minion went through listening to me and this was torture no pain slave could take for long yet she sat listening smiling. Yes it was sort of fun drifting back into the fifties and sixties, sitting listening to words and drinking coffee again, of course I was not very old as a matter of fact I will not admit to even being in a coffee house, okay morningstar stop smiling

Now for tag well: Morningstar and Sir I have not played tagged in a long while with friends so you are tagged and minion why should you not have the opportunity of writing haiku and yes I will listen to your sweet voice minion as long as there is coffee involved.

What happens if

My friend Sir has under gone surgery today and I wait for news. It is simple surgery by the doctors thoughts but for us mere mortals it brings on many fears. We play the what if game. Dom/mes realize the responsibilities the what if game . How disruptive this can be to most people but a for a sub /slave they have no world left no purpose no one to make the decision for them. If we do not talk about it I think some would sit and wait until the lack of water or food would allow them to join their Masters. Sir being one of my best friends has always come forth when I have gone into surgery and gave me the confidence that he would make sure all was right with my sub/slave family and friends.

Thought always understood last night was the first time I was asked the same question I have asked of him many times. It was an very strange feeling. So to the Dom/mes that are out there I would suggest that you do play the what if game no matter how much your sub does not want to. After all you have a will for most of your chattel might as well make sure the one that gave you the greatest of pleasure is taken care of in the best of ways.

Saving a life does it change things

Yes I saved a butterfly and it did not rain in Africa that day is it my fault?

It is a nice idea that there is a cause and effect in life but is it true. How much affect on things do we have when we save some thing about to leave this plane. Do we alter the life cycle so drastically that by saving the butterfly I will be responsible for the death of millions. Have I just allowed another dictator rise because he did not die as a child in a flood. Do we only cause evil to arise is there no good that ever comes of it?

Well in one way if I believe that if you save a life you are now responsible for its actions. So if I save someone and they lead the world into peace that is a good thing. What if by doing that we do not develop weapons for space we then are attacked and destroyed by Pink gerbals from space(little green men are so passe) did I do good or not? So should we help no one for fear if we do we will end mankind. So much for the little old lady crossing the street. I have always stretched out my hand and will again if I see some one who needs my help. I hope the help stirs them to greatness that we can all live happily in.

Back to that butterfly if after I left, it flew off into a waiting birds beak then so be it got more time than it would have in the ocean. However, if it survived and had children it might recount one day of this crazy human that swam out and saved a butterfly. The story will be passed on and on. It will change from one to thousands the hero will be bigger and stronger and I will be in some small way will be remembered. So if the butterfly out lives the human would it not be nice to live on and be a hero to some one, like a butterfly and those butterflies that came afterwards?

Hostess

My minion did great . Simple words I know but they fit my minion and her performance last night. she moved effortlessly through the evening. My supper was ready at 6 my clothes were taken out and placed for me . The desert was fantastic and the first social party held at my place was to my mind a success. she made me very happy and although this is short in words my feelings for her are not so to my slave minion thank you for your servitude

Conflicts

An interesting blog by morningstar. I do not believe in equality for all., that is it does not depend on what sex you are religion or race. For me is soley depends on ability. Should every one be paid the same no they should be paid on what they produce. Should all receive an education. No they should not only those that work hard and show they are willing to do what it takes should .

I suffer through the years or racial and sexual revolutions. When being a male and white put you at the bottom of the list. I could not believe people were hired because of what they were of course this was a practice set in stone for hundreds of years it was just the first time it was directed at me. I hate the idea of children that cannot and will not work for what they want they seem to think it is there right to go to school and when it is evident that they are not good in what they choose they switch off to arts.

So lets talk about rights who gave anybody rights ? We did not have right when we came down from the trees. The cow did not say oh humans yes they have the right to do what they want. No one gave us the right to build cities or change rivers . We took it we fought we killed we conquered. No rights involved the nature police did not show and say okay monkeys move over man has right of way.

So in my opinion the only thing that has rights is the individual not Man not Woman not black white Christian Jew or any other definition that sets a group of individuals apart. Just each one of us and each one of us has only one right to try, nothing more or less that is our choice.
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So in my books prove your self by putting in the work and I will either lead you or follow you why because you try to be the best follower or try to be the best leader. The only way your prove this to me is by giving it to me or by taking it from me. Not because you say so .

The ideal novel and relation shown in it is the Beauty series where princes and princess are the whores and slaves they must prove themselves as followers and as leaders they must find what truly is in their id , in their heart or their soul. That is what I think actions are more important than who or what we are.

"we now return this post back to the fun of spankings, bondage and sweet tortures evidently lacking in the previous words" well at least I think the next post will be on those things!

Sitting on a rock

I love to go and find a large rock in the middle of a stream with the sun pouring down on it. Many years ago I would go camping up to Algonquin park and find such a rock. After ridding myself of clothes I would plunge in and swim out to it. Climbing up upon it I would first survey the land and then lay back to soak in the rays of the sun.

All matters of consequence were pondered and decisions were made. Then I would drift off in to a state of feeling like a God. After watching the water hit the rock I could predict how leaves floating in the water would be affected by the presence of the rock. It was like sitting on a fence watching two neighbors fight I knew the right answer I was god on a rock. It is easy when you are a god you know everything.

When it is time to leave I did not feel so god like after a few hours of sunning that water was cold I did not care that I had the answers that would save the world and cure all ailments. I just wanted to get to shore and wrap myself up in a towel. Moral of my story it is easy to sit on high and judge what others do by the ideal conditions you see but when you are freezing with the rest of us all you want is a bit of acceptance and warmth.

What is and what is to be based on what has been

Over the weekend a young boy became a man. I am not of his religion but he wanted me to stand with him as he cross a threshold. So I did as the chants when on I thought back to times past and wondered how he would face the demands of society. Will he take a wife, what work will he do, should he continue his education. They were the questions I faced when I left high school. I think now his questions will be greater in number than mine were. Now working without an education very hard to get anywhere. A wife is another decision female or male or bi. Worse if you get into the lifestyle with switches involved too. The fears of making a wrong decision. I do not wish to change places with the young man. Now I have never re-thought any of my decisions. I did my best for the time and knowledge I had.

I read another Dom's post where he wished to turn back time , would that not be fun! It seems that the jewels of what we sought for were always there we just did not see them. A young mans eyes darts to see everything and perhaps we are blinded but all things that we do not see the special ones. Only when we are older and the vision is not as sharp do the jewels out shine the background light. So the question that I have for those that wish to turn back time is would we not just miss the jewels of fantasies a second time?

I might not have found the fantasies of my youth but I am very happy with jewels that I did find. Would I change anything well we all say if I could go back with the knowledge that I have now. I think with that knowledge when I was 18 I would have been arrested by the age of 20. The main reason I do not wish to is I would not be me anymore I would then be just a fantasy.

A question has arose

What stimulates a response. On a web site I belong to a question was thrown out to the group on how males respond to ads by subs. The general consensus was that there are jerks posing as Doms that they answer ads with lack of etiquette and with vulgarity. I have already posted about guys and their idea of pictures that entice so I will not touch that subject again and women can be guilty of this also, I have seen enough lips and large mammaries to suffice.

In my response to the question I said we should not give advice to these males as they use it not to better themselves but to use as a tool to get farther into their objective a women's pants. I have to say that the male of the species can glandular over load and not really think with it's brain when it comes to the female sex. I will say that ladies can help themselves by not being as up front with some pictures and fantasies instead being a little coy is intriguing to me as a Dom at least. I prefer a voice in the dark where a spark is set then exploration is demanded by my interest. I feel that those that display everything in the first two lines of an ad much like the feasts of turkey. I eat of it twice a year I look forward to it I delight in its presentation and taste and I am happy to see the last of it go into the garbage and do not think of it again until the next feast.

The ladies that have been my subs are intelligent, strong women. They might be submissive but they are not crap to be stepped upon. Their ads were intellectual and no pics were displayed. I am involve with minion right now who if you have the pleasure of seeing her would say she is a slave never refuses a wish let alone a command. she has great strength for what life has given her. she had no pics up and conversation started with questions not what she was willing to do for any man but questions on what I thought about things. Yes this will provoke the cry of freedom of speach and women's right s and yes you do have them and I will defend them in a purist world how ever this is a real world with all types of personalities both human, monster and undeveloped child in a mans body. Like in nature flowers put out scents and colours to attract certain types of bugs and animals. They still get their fair share of pests but they get a majority of the right ones wanting to drink their nectar. SO advice form me well keep the flower closed until you are sure about the type of bug you are letting in .