a repost of Saddened

A friend has asked something of me that I believe is not the right time for but I must comply with the request for protocols sake. pup has served me well and I enjoyed the journey that we have been on, short as it was. I fully understand the trials and trouble of her life, more than that I understand the needs she has at this time in her life. I wish pup all the best and I hope she finds what she is looking for in the fast current of life.

To extend this week of hell On wed I recieved news that a friend was sick On fri the news was that he passed away and on Sat that this had all happened 3 weeks ago. I would not be able to say words to him or watch his ashes pasted on his fields. It happens you loose track of time and when we last spoke busy with other things just too far and too little time. I have let some physical distractions and external pressures to interfere with my emotions causing poor judgement and in so hurt others not what I set out to do. I think age has tracked me down, I feel old this day. I think this week is a week of low communications and meditation.

Cloud
a little darker cloud today

My poor judgment

I have wronged my sub ling. I was told of an offense I did not question when it happened nor did I give ling an opportunity to explain. I went in a god like manner and arranged punishment and I was wrong to do so. I let my emotions get in the way of judgment I was sadistic instead of being a Dom. The physical pain I know ling will take and it will subside after a while, the emotional harm will not. I have in a vain attempt tried to stop the punishment but have not been able to reach her. My heart is heavy I was wrong if I could have magically take her place I would have. I feel that I violated trust given by her and I have broken rules and proper conduct of a Dom. Sorry just does not seem right in this situation but I know not of what other word or action that I could offer to repair any damage that I have caused.

A night of melancholy

Cancelled plans, news of a friend that has sadden me, a journey that has been lost, a lost weekend without the alcohol. We all have them we all get over them and move on. A time for meditation and reflection, the question: does a rock exist to be a rock or is it waiting to become sand. The answer to be contemplated only the wind and the water know.

Pitfalls

morningstar will be the first to say that I know what it is to be a brat and why. The what is easy, a brat as a sub( if you do not know by know I am a switch) is a sub that uses topping from the bottom, poor behavior and defiance to push the Dom/Domme in the direction that the sub wants to go. Why also easy, the sub grows tired of waiting for the Dom/Domme to take control of the sub either because of lack of experience, a lazy Dom/Domme or the Dom/Dommes vision of subbing is not the same as the subs but the most common reason the sub feels that they have been forgotten, that is the worse feeling a sub can have.
It creates a doubt in the subs mind about their worth in their masters eyes. It can easily destroy training and relations. I am far away from one of my subs and do not have the ability to reach over grab an ear and say that is enough so I have discovered that I have to be stricter and in contact more often. The good thing is that understand why and see the signs, the bad thing I do not get the fun of administrating the punishment myself oh well, you have to take the good with the bad guess.

Strange feelings

If it was years ago when I would accept many beliefs I would have said there was something foul about on Saturday night. Was it because my sub was a t a party for first time performing and I was a thousand miles away. I had thoughts as I was at the club what was ling doing how was she preparing what was going on it might have caused some strange feelings and lost of concentration but that would have affected only me. littleone and Sir were also affected Mistress Jane did not show she just did not feel right about the night and stayed home. Perhaps it was only Ottawa ling did not seem to be affected by it. I met some old friends and made some new ones but the spark was not there to play in us all. I was just not comfortable.
So when I am off to the next realm with sword in hand should I meet a being that takes claim to this realms creation before I strike at it I will invite it to sit and share beverage and ask questions that have built up in me since my childhood and one will be "Do you remember October Saturday in 2005 what was that all about" perhaps I might get an answer or two.

And my stallion performed

A question often asked why do I do what do I get from having subs and slaves? Is it the sex, no I would have to say that I have not had formal sex with a sub or slave in many years, orgasms is of course a different thing. Nor is it that I have a mindless object that has been broken into submission and would do anything because they want not to think. How I can best explain it is in a sense of accomplishment. That I have made an individual into what they want to be, but were scared to go there, through trust . A show horse is pretty to look at,graceful and very well trained but in a way broken they go through the steps but conquer nothing. A horse that jumps shows strength , control of fear and trust. When you get the horse to the take off point you must trust the horse that it has conquered it's fear, has trust in you and with the training will surpass the hurdle. I believe that this spirit is in all that wish to be subs or slaves it just must be found and then harnessed and in turn given enough freedom to perform to its level.

To my little pet , ling a public acknowledgement that you have surpassed your first hurdle and a gold medal is yours for this competition. I gain the accolades of other Dom/Dommes on the performance of my property and the secret I told ling there are rocks on the other side of the fence but with her ability she would clear them easily. So with the help of Miss Rese my little stallion ling flew on Saturday night and made me very proud thank you for your trust ling now tomorrow it is back to training but for now enjoy your day ling.

Rules for my party goer

From the time you are at the front Door till you leave Miss Rese's :

1. You will call her Miss Rese or Madam unless she instructs you differently
2. All Doms/Dommes present will be accorded proper use of titles and if you do not know them then Sir or Madam will be used
   
3. You will tell all that ask you are trained by CLoud of Darklight should there be a question of your behavior it should be address through Miss Rese to me
4. Always treat Doms/Dommes with respect through out the evening and should you be requested to help a Dominant by normal service such as serving drinks to them, holding plates for them, duties that would be required of a domestic you shall provide it with out question
5. Miss Rese has been granted rights as to inspection of my property total head to toe. The carrying out of the requests that I have made of her. Instruction and reprimand should it be needed along with mild punishment.( should it be needed, remember you will still have to deal with me punishment or not for any incidents or transgressions of Miss Rese's rules and mine and I will not be mild my dear)
   
6. You only take orders from Miss Rese only
7. Speak when given permission to speak only to Dominants that have acknowledge you follow the normal rules of etiquette.
   
8. You must ask permission of Miss Rese to do anything such as go to the bathroom get a drink leave the room and enter the room. Miss Rese has the right to accompany you anywhere and be with you when you do anything ie going to the bathroom She will decide when this action is needed
   
9. You are not allowed to sit on chairs you must stand until given permission to sit or kneel on the floor you can only sit on a chair should the request come through or by Miss Rese
   
10. You will help with the serving of refreshments
    
11. You will help with the clean up
12. You will present yourself with a positive attitude not hide from view but show yourself proudly as a prized treasure should you be with clothes or with out I am proud of my property so it should be of itself.
13. Smile have fun and be the submissive you dream of and most of all you are mine and I do not own door mats you have the right to say no.
    

Simply things I guess

It does not take much for me to feel better about life. Seeing a sub embrace the challenges of the life style in her every day world as ling has had to do in the past few weeks . Making a friend with some one that I have never seen spoken to or even chatted to . OOOH braiding leather and working in wood not really producing anything just loosing oneself in the work of it. Chatting with old friends from camp and hearing of the challenges faced by pup as she tries to put her life in order and doing quite well I might add. The times when it becomes hard for me to control things there is Sir and littleone that ground me immersing me in their lives to a point that I can regain my level of being that I need. It makes my world still interesting to be in.

It is so easy for us to be down with the news of the world smashing into us when we listen to the radio or watch TV. So horrible for us to see the starving children and destroyed lives. Where are the Superman and wonder women to save us from the despair of life. In my opinion they do exist I find them all the time in my daily life and it is easy for me to say wow look at what they can do and they do not wear spandex. So for me the old saying "yes Virgina there is a Santa Claus" is true, he just wears a speedo in the summer.

What is 24 years

Funny 24 years, you look at someone laughing and ask why would this dove stay with me. She does and when I ask she says because I am a good man. Good how I ask I enjoy things that she cringes with I have almost died on her three times only 2 that she know of and every visits to the doctors brings new horror stories for her to live through. I know some fond it hard to believe this women still wishes to endure life with me and my Kinks. She could find so much more. I have at times told her it was time for me to walk off and find lions and tigers and polar bears she never says no but she finds ways to tell me that I can not go yet on my walk. Today the eve of my anniversary with her of 24 years I was having a bad night she looked at me and said don't ask still too many depend on you.
I asked what would you like changed in me anything you want. She smiled and after a few seconds with out looking at me said more backrubs.
SO my friends and sweet subs looks like I will have to stay the same then, I have put the sword back on the wall and the polar bears will be safe until at least until next year. However, my toys were dusted off last week and they felt good in my hand again so your sweet cheeks are , well lets say it is open season and red is my favorite color

Devices

As you might have guessed I might be interested in the medieval times. Certainly I have been since childhood especially , and this should be no shock to you torture chambers and their devices. Wondrous usage of wood and metal and oils that surely show how evil Man could be. Lovely things such as the rack and the wheel oh and the Belgium hook. I can run through a great list before I start on the mental tortures that modern man has come up with. I have to say that man has been surpassed by yes his better half. Women had jumped ahead of us all in imagination and pain. We hobbled them in china with bound feet and forced them into corsets gave them hot wax to rip hairs from their bodies ah yes removal of hair that is where they have put us to shame. A women has come up with a fascinating way of removing hair. She put a wheel like a wood chipper with rubber grips on a motor then smiles as she drags this item across her legs and makes it seem like nothing. So getting a little older and some very soft hairs have began to develop I decide what the hell looks easy . Well the shoulder were not bad a sting but nothing too bad so I thought it might be nice to have a smooth ass once again sooo I foolishly attempted to use this device of male torture to remove the unwanted hairs . Words can not describe the joy when I did , no Domme has ever cause pain in that fashion to me nor would I let one go near me with that thing again. I will not dwell on all the words that I did use and could use I will merely tip my hat to the black widows that use this device and say that is One no thank you Ma-am.

Rolling hills

It would be nice if the lifestyle was allowed to flourish in the consensual form it is now. Slaves of all types working for their Master pleasing and being pleased. In times of danger the call would go out summoning all to his side for his protection and they would feel safe. My subs are experience life in the "real" world a very nasty place with out the safety of their Master protection because of physical distance and vanilla demands. They are both strong and will fight till they achieve what has to be done but not without pain the pain that is not tidy nor pleasant the one that drains and changes you takes the child a little further into adult hood a place not all want to be.

What can I do , sit on the side lines like an old coach and hope that the game plans and the training gives them the strength to succeed a hard time for them and a frustrating one for me not to be able to pick u sword and shield and do battle for what is mine.