Sunday, July 10, 2005

Repression ,frustration and polar bears

Well my vanilla half was away on vacation and it gave me a few days of not repressing my feelings. A taste of honey for now the frustration sets back in and the pain of reordering life adjusting everything to suit others needs. Many people have used the expression ( no one understands what I am going through) well that is not true. Every one has a situation that no one else understands. How can any one understand what the other goes through there are just too many variables in life to do so. We all have our dark sides defined only by our standards and those that are close to us. Was it more frustrating to have freedom for two weeks and have to repress for years to come?

Perhaps if the time that I had would have lived up to my expectations but it did not. I said to friends tonight that I felt like school was starting next week and my summer vacation started with great expectations and fizzled out like an un popped firecracker. I guess I feel a bit like a polar bear sitting on the fast disappearing ice hating the idea of summer coming and the restrictions it puts on them. The Grizzly at least can sleep away the months it does not like and dream of summer. I sit on my ice pack dreading the days of summer to come.

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