Respect Consensual and good decisions

An interesting post from a friend. Where do we draw the line Is running naked sown a street at 2 am with the chance of meeting someone being very slim then being surprised by those people walking their dog or coming home from a party is that consensual? The party goers might have a good laugh and rover might bite your ass but there was no consent? Consent is or must be verbalized in some way the argument of they do not have to look well that does not cut it with me if I am surprised by a naked guy at 2 am I am going to watch him very carefully and not for the pleasure of it . He might just have a gun and is going to shoot the next person that does not look at him. More so if a sub goes into a vanilla situation and masturbates in front of vanilla people that is non consensual they were not asked if they wanted to see that nor did they have any idea that in a park they would see anything more than a Robin red breast. So for me totally wrong by those that did that.

However for some the idea having to do this is quite a charge, imagine if this was acceptable behavior. What a humiliation for the sub, if they were into humiliation what a rush. If they were not what a punishment or what a commitment from the sub to the master to display one self in such a fashion. There are many ways of achieving this though, taking a slave into the forest and stripping the sub then blindfold the sub all done in a secluded area or near a path way but out of plain sight would give such a rush. Arranging a group of people to meet in a wooded area without the knowledge of the sub but with their consent would certainly do it for me. Many ways to give the same rush to the sub but is it the same for a Dom/Domme? What turns the Dom/Domme on is it they feel and enjoy the shame and embarrassment of the sub or do they look for the surprise and disgust that might come from the vanillas that were surprised by the situation of the sub? If the latter is the reason then is that really a Dom/Domme?

One other way that I look at it if you take a sub into a public area strip them and bent them over and offered a belt to passer bys to give a wack to a sub how many takers would you have? At the gay pride parade probably a few but from commuters rushing to work I doubt if you would get any interest most likely sneers. In my opinion the reason would be it is just not the place for it. A Dom/Domme is entrusted with a commitment some times that means pushing limits but also making good decisions. A Dom/Domme must also show respect for other lifestyles otherwise they cannot ask respect for theirs nor in my opinion would they be able to retain the respect of the sub.

Public or private punishment

First what is a punishment? It can be a verbal reprimand up to a punishment task to corporal punishment.

A punishment session something that is scheduled almost weekly allows me to take care of the little infractions that I was not present for or that were small in nature to be put off till later. Such as not shaving or improper presentation or greeting when online or outside of the lifestyle. I would not invite anyone to these it would not do anything except to comfort the sub someone who might be there might not have the same interpretation that I do and plead for clemency. It anything it would be a distraction to the reason of the session. I do verbally reprimand for all offences as soon as they come apparent to me in public or not a statement from me in public stating " I am not happy and we will speak of this later" means I will tell you later the time is inappropriate now you will receive punishment for it on the punishment night . I do believe that verbal reprimand done right is a must for the proper schooling of a sub/slave.

If the infraction caused me embarrassment in public such as a major break on protocol or constant lateness when meeting my friends or others then the punishment might very well happen in front of them . Not in public but with guests present to show that I have taken the slave to task for the insult to them and at that session there would be some humiliation dealt out in tasks to do for my guest and the session would last longer than the norm of course because the gravity of the offence.

So for me there might be times when punishment is delivered in full view of other's in the lifestyle is that public?

Sadist or not this is what I do

Am I a sadist? I enjoy play session but more I enjoy the punishment session. The play sessions are carefully crafted to excite and stimulate in steps care is given to warm up. Caresses and nurturing all important I like to make it last till the sub is exhausted and them 10 more minutes of sweet torture.

Ah, the punishment session is very charged for me. The subs fear comes through their eyes and implores me not to . The power that I feel knowing that no matter what is said or done the punishment must go through. The position I choose for them is one that is difficult for them to hold in the best of times. No bondage or tying down no they must hold that position by them selves to realize that this is not play. Coming out of position more then a recoil from the stroke adds two strokes to the punishment. The time is always after they have been naked for a while and if it is not cold enough to give their skin a clamminess I aid the issue with light sprays of water. The item I choose has really been chosen by the sub the one they dislike the most, not by what they have said to me but how they react in play sessions with it. They know the number of strokes they will receive they must state what they did wrong and apologize after every stroke. The last stroke is always the worse to bring them to the point of wishing they had not disappointed me. I enjoy the quivering of their bodies as they must not touch the affected area until I say that they can. Standing in the middle of the room will a bright light on them to show their shame is the best way to drive home the point the last indignity vinegar or alcohol put on the affected area they can dance around but still not touch, then they are scrubbed down by me one of the few times wash them then. They are then allowed to take an after punishment position and sit quietly and read.

I must say I have few repeat offences once they have gotten to a punishment stage but there are always new ones. So am I a sadist or do I just enjoy my work. Next blog will have my views on punishment in private or public.

http://miki.mon-blog.org/index.php/2005/04 This is a blog that I felt has an interesting writing style about the lifestyle . They raised a question with the last blog. Which of the sexes are instinctively Dominant? Is it instinctive or was it? Has it changed? Does it have to do with the physical, size and strength or was is learnt ? Time to ponder

CLoud

Well I have spoken of definitions and protocols

What protocols do I follow, simple etiquette for one Very simple we were taught them when we were kids they must be present at all times in a sub or a slave and yes in a Dom or a Master. I will use the word slave to mean sub, slave and property. Labels that have little meaning except to say they serve.

The slave will first write the contract outlining those things that the slave cannot provide .

• slaves are always attentive to their master and the masters wishes, slaves are there to serve the desires of the Master.
• slaves must follow the code of etiquette set down by their Master
• slaves cannot refuse any command of the Master that has been agreed to in the contract
• slaves will be punished for rudeness, underachievement, not showing proper respect, dishonesty, lack of care of themselves and improper disclosure.
  

Master

• The Master will use and abuse the slave as per contract and will dictate what the slave is to wear in the presence of the Master where and when sessions will take place. The Master will decide what the slave is allowed to wear and do when it does not interfere with work ,family or health
• The Master will keep the slave from undue harm
• The Master will see that the slaves needs are met for good health in all areas of life.
  

Simple rules I feel for both Master and slave. The rules of etiquette or protocols are far more detailed and I do not know if a blog is the proper place for them they detail situations of what is expected and what is desired. I usually deliver them a few at a time during training so that the slave is not overwhelmed after a while they should be second nature and yes they contain such things as how to walk the posture of a slave to how to address those in the lifestyle and house rules of friends. So this is what a future slave and I would discuss on the first meeting

Refreshing some one who thinks

I hold on to my ideals because I believe in codes of conduct and honour I have a strong passion for medieval time, for the samurai codes for etiquette and for politeness. Much like a chocolate cake with chocolate from the Holland the taste cannot be duplicated in a May west, so I am willing to wait for my cake and live on the memories of it's taste will carry me through.

"This doesn't leave much, if any, room for adding bits of yourself"

. As for adding bits of me I do all the time in how I service the lifestyle by fulfilling the needs of my subs or slaves and how I give duty to those that rank above me an artist that duplicates a great work the artist doing the duplication will only be as famous as his duplication is close to the original. The lifestyle is a simple yet beautiful work in my opinion. Changing the lifestyle would for me be like the cutting of Bonsia trees. It takes great study before the snip a bad cut and it will be with you for years to come.

One of the reasons I responded to you amy, is that you were polite in your comment quietly wishing for further explanation yet not asking, rather than a confrontation of my ideas or demanding knowledge through a formal question. So I am very happy to respond to you any time. For a novice you do not fall all over your feet when writing down your thoughts. I wonder if you have started your journey with some one or is this just part of your character, questions for you, not really, just thoughts about those that stand in the shadows.


Take in all that you can it is a wonderful journey, again, thank you for reading my thoughts

CLoud

A voice enters the shadows

Well a quite voice has enter my realm and stood up for what she believes in. A shock that someone reads what I write, can formulate their own opinion and expressed it with politeness. Though I see that you still hide I hope that you return and read this amy.
"If maintaining the older ways is important to you then that is something you can fit into your relationship, but I don't think it is fair to cast away the lifestyle because it doesn't totally fit into your expectations."

Well amy I speak of expectations based on experience not on fantasy and
"fitting it into my relations" are not words that I would use, bdsm is the relationship and that is one point where we differ in opinion it is not kinky sex but a matter of duty and honour to me a way of life you could say. When you say it is not fair to cast away the lifestyle I am not thinking of casting it away like old clothes I have great respect for it and those that hold it close to their hearts I meant I was thinking of not being active because what I expect and want in my opinion has gone the way of the dinosaur. One way to describe it would be the difference of attending a royal ball in the seventeen hundreds and going to a disco yes there is dancing but it is just not the same, for me at least.

" i think the lifestyle has evolved into something so much more than it used to be"

yes it has evolved but it has not kept the basic etiquette that is need for a group of individuals to say that they share a lifestyle. Evolution is fine I do not expect to live in medieval times but the evolution that I see is more of replacement because those that are coming on, the future shall we say, cannot handle the duties, rules,expectations and etiquette necessary for the lifestyle to exist. An example sports rules are always being re-thought to keep the masses interested not to keep the sport pure . In golf once you struck the ball you did not touch it again until it went into the whole, now well I will say no more about golf.

"It gives each couple a chance to build the lifestyle that works best for them.....why would that take away from the lifestyle"

In my opinion you build a relationship on a lifestyle on the rules and etiquette of that lifestyle or you build on your own rules and etiquette. If you say that you build it on a lifestyle then removing parts of the lifestyle that you do not wish means destroy the lifestyle and I am against that. That is the weakness that I find in the lifestyle now like children not eating the peas but still getting the desert. You must work for the desert to truly enjoy otherwise it is just part of the meal, common place nothing special and what do you do then?

amy your words allowed me to peruse what I have been thinking for years and now expressed thank you I hope that your journey continues and your relationship blossoms in to all what you need from the bdsm lifestyle, as for my rantings and ravings well that is what the dinosaurs do before the comet strikes.

enjoy the day

Expectations

I can see that expectations based on fantasy is a not a good idea, they will seldom be met and frustration will set in.

I have based my expectations on experience from a different place and time and I see that the differences are so great that I am disillusioned with the reality. When first brought in to the life style there was clear order in it they were those that were the masters and those that served. Safety was not a question it was expected the poor Master that allowed something to go wrong would loose all but the most loyal. Once the contract was signed there was no asking of the slave what they were not willing to give over in the contract and no refusal from the slave to anything that was not reserved in the contract. Then again the people involved were of a different breed. They still had to hide much more then they do today they were the true thrill seekers you could say in the lifestyle. Yes many have come out and said we are of this lifestyle but they are of a water down lifestyle not the ones that inspired books and fantasies. Ones that are trying to be acceptable, palatable to the non lifestylers.

I will say that a few friends try to live to the protocols but are forced in many ways to change them for others. I could see changing them for those not in the life style but not for those who are supposedly in the lifestyle. I saw a sub slave what ever you want to call them sit on a chair when there was a Dom standing, the same sub sat on the furniture in the nude with no thought to bring a towel or ask for one and no reason why he could not sit on the floor. I do not see the reward in such actions nor do I understand the non-action of their Dom/Domme.

I believe that this lack of commitment by those in the lifestyle gives into the decay of the lifestyle and not the betterment of it. It could be because the masses can now enter it is not reserved for those that had all the other experiences and needed more that something was missing. Many people are entering it for the wrong reasons in my opinion, those that cannot find love, they think it is the trend now and in a few years it will be bell bottoms again, and the worse are those who use it to say look at me look what I can do well I hate to tell those people is that some of us look at you and laugh you are not doing anything that others have not allowed you to do you will never be masters only mastered.

When we hid in darkshadows the few were far more committed to the lifestyle than to the show which it has become. This realization has create doubt in continuing in this lifestyle it has changed too much and this dinosaur is tired of the evolution. Since I cannot seem to find a sub or a Domme that has the same experience, commitment and desire that I do , I am starting to think about sitting back and just watching the birds and the clouds and remembering days gone by. I shall soon make one further attempt to find a like minded individual or a group that have the same ideas that I do until then I shall honour those commitments that I have until after the camp then take time to think and decide how to seek what I look for.

Well another day

As days go this is just another one, I made a suggestion to a friend of mine to go on a tour of sex shops, she then suggested that we post and invite all subs as I am a switch and I am subject to a Femdom society I fit the mold. The group here to get out to anything is like pulling teeth out of a crocodile. Out of 8 responses 3 are going the same number if I had just called another friend. The community here is just not interested and I am not willing to devote any of my time to those that are not.

Back to the darklight

Well the raging river has run it's course and now has returned to the confines of its banks. Pushing itself slowly to inevitable end of the river. During the flood there was great freedom and strength nothing stood in it way. The river came upon an obstacle it could not break, push aside, drown or hide with its waters. The realatins ship that has been will be. When the heart has been capture it is hard to remove it without destroying all. And that is the fear of the river that nothing would be left if it stayed free, it would be an Ocean covering all.. No history no feelings no signs of what was only destruction and lives that are torn apart so the river returns and become docile again. The end of the journey comes when it reaches the ocean it l;looses it's name, identity, it's raison d'etre and becomes part of an ocean hoping one day to be rain again and a uncaring river.

Repression ,frustration and polar bears

Well my vanilla half was away on vacation and it gave me a few days of not repressing my feelings. A taste of honey for now the frustration sets back in and the pain of reordering life adjusting everything to suit others needs. Many people have used the expression ( no one understands what I am going through) well that is not true. Every one has a situation that no one else understands. How can any one understand what the other goes through there are just too many variables in life to do so. We all have our dark sides defined only by our standards and those that are close to us. Was it more frustrating to have freedom for two weeks and have to repress for years to come?

Perhaps if the time that I had would have lived up to my expectations but it did not. I said to friends tonight that I felt like school was starting next week and my summer vacation started with great expectations and fizzled out like an un popped firecracker. I guess I feel a bit like a polar bear sitting on the fast disappearing ice hating the idea of summer coming and the restrictions it puts on them. The Grizzly at least can sleep away the months it does not like and dream of summer. I sit on my ice pack dreading the days of summer to come.

Of metal and wood

Sword are part of what I am. For r years I have read about them worked with them and admires those the have the ability not to use them Training experience and control are needed before you can say that you have mastered. A weapon. One of my failing points is that when I a have master one style of the weapon I feel that it is now mine and with out practice I still can bring the level of swordmenship back again with a couple of strokes. I have a;ways done that when I would work with wood it is the same way. Wood gives you splinters now and then to remind you but steel waits for you, it allows little mistakes that should smarten you up but rarely did in the past One of my teachers from many years ago said of wood:
" wood has life and it also values it so it warns you, the blade of a sword had no life except what it is, a seeker of death, it's purpose is to feel blood and to bring life to the cold existence of the sword respect it more than wood for it respect only what the one who wields it respects" I have re-learnt the respect that I should have always had for the sword a few days ago. Hopefully I will retain it this time.
'

To those that do not hear

A freind of mine wrote this many years ago he lost, in his word the best relation that he ever had and I would agree with him but so did she. Why well he, in my words, says it better than I. The only word that I could say that even slaves have linits and rights and there is no room for greed in a relationship.

"Limitations expectations explorations, hearing"

" Every sub wants to explore what and who they are. They want to be pushed to see how much they can give of themselves whether a pain slut or a service fiend we want to go farther and farther. It is alright to push a vub quickly along their desired field such as a service sub to have their field of service expand quickly or some hard limits might fall but the push should stay on the dynamiques of the area that the sub is best at. I know most protocols and I know what and how a service sub should act but if I do not get the treatment that I look for what reason is there for me to continue along the idea of a service sub that I can do but has not held my interest lets say? We all have expectations and limitations do we express them so that all understand what we want to do and what we will not do?
I have always said that I am a slave and give up total control no limits, yes except those discussed at the beginning of the relation. There is no interference in my Vanilla life, I do not care who you are or how much I respect you I give them I will not give that up, I will not do things that are non consensual, ie walking naked down a busy street is non consensual I would get a great thrill but would everyone else no, they have different values that they base their lives on an all have to be respected. That is why we can live together with attacking each other on the way home from work. Walking down a country road at 2 in the morning is something totally different going to the bdsm camp I will have not inhibitions there I do not have to worry about offending any one. Health is another included in that is scat and needles and bloodplay enough said. My expectations of a Domme is that they understand these limits and my expectations of them. When they push to close to them I let them know but what happens when the Dom/Domme does not hear or thinks that they have so much control that they think they can pass these limits because they want to, disaster they loose all respect and love that I have for them. Why because they became greedy if they cannot be satisfied with all that I can give to them then they are not worth serving no matter how much I care for them.
As you can put any words in the topic line but for me the most important is the hearing abilities of both sub and Dom/Domme they must understand that there is a word no and that is what it means."

Sadness and worry

Over the weekend I attended two parties both were great both had different aspects of the lifestyle and similar ones. Why sadness the two solitudes were one long ago first I went to the Montreal munches there was great friendship between the two parties now there is a great divide. I do not know what caused the split or if it was just one thing like so many wars that happen on this earth the combatants probably can not give the single thing that set it off. Yet I feel that I betray one group if I go to the other. Sad to think that I will be spending my remaining time making sure that I divide up equally what I do or where I post . Not to please them but myself I miss the company of both and I will no try to be the one to bring them together. Their decision has been made and I leave that to them but I willnot deprive myself of the friendships that I have made with both. Enough said to that subject for posterity.

Why worry really I don't but others seem to about me. I still struggle with allowing anyone totally inside of me and my thoughts this blog is an attempt for me to put thoughts down that some day I will have the strength to share with those that are close to me. Yet I truly I do not believe it will happen in these words at least I have the release that they might be discovered. Simple things I even do not disclose such as a friend does not understand why I leave a light on all the time outside. Where my father comes from Alsacs and Lorrainne in the forests it is very dark so dark that you cannot see what is underfoot. His family would leave a candle burning so that the men would find there way back to the house. The candle would not be put out until the last was back. Well the stories in my family all relates to that light of occurrences that happen when the light has been put out by some one in the family. The two major ones were that if a the light was put out if a child was not in the house they would be loss and not find their way back. The other that my dead relatives would not be able to see and protect that household. Le Maison Noir de Lorrainne rumored to be where we hail from has all sorts of stories to support these legends shall we say do I believe I do not know have I had reason to, yes.

I have always considered knowledge to be a weapon it is why I collect and share little with others to protect those that are close to me.