Trust

While I was writing a living will I found it not to be easy. You want your wishes to be respected yet there are so many things that could happen how do you allow for all the possibilities. I watched a show call House, where a Doctor does not respect the wishes to not resuscitate and of course saves the patient and the patient can walk again. Nice that Hollywood has happy endings to questions that plague mankind when to pull the plug when is the right time to say thanks but no thanks. God fearing people have it easy some deity in a far off realm says that they must suffer until the end, these same people put their dogs down so they do not suffer the pain. Of course this being is the same god that allows children to starve to death, lends it's name to countless wars and demands tribute in the form of worship. So getting back no matter what you put down on paper or what you are never sure that it will be followed. Would it not be nice to have a law that says it must be but we would need a government that is not influence by religion or special interest groups one that creates laws for the people, hey lets get serious and talk about real life like bdsm contracts and hard limits.

How do you know that you can trust that person to do what you want or in the case of a Dom/Domme when it is all said and done do you comply with the wishes ( hard limits and contracts) or are you like the doctor and do what in your mind is best for the patient?

CLoud

Too much time

An acquaintance in a personal email has express sadness that every one made sport of his desire for a photo shoot. I said that if he did not wish to be made sport of then do not publicly announce what your intentions are instead email a member and on the quiet ask if someone would be willing to be part of a photo shoot. Though I do not feel he was truly genuine in his wishes( I feel he wanted a souvenir rather than an experience) I wonder if through what I said on knotty it caused him to recoil and run and hide. I also question his reasons for announcing it as he did and said to him that people are suspicious of those that talk loudly but seem not to do. He might not be what I call friend nor do I give him respect for what he thinks he is, was it wrong not to give him the benefit of the doubt? Did I get wrap up in a form of prejudice that he was banned once and so he is one of those? Or does this type of person make the group weak and should be eliminated like a parasite that leaches the strength from its host? Is it that I attract these types am I a kind fatherly figure in their eyes? Should I act more like I feel inside or should I enjoy the fact that I can control these individuals and enjoy the attention.

Too much time to ponder I think!

CLoud

lifestyle

At times I become upset with the lifestyle and those in it. I should re-phrase that I cannot seem to find a partner who wishes to have a BDSM relationship only and not cloud it with all the vanilla that seems to occur when Dom and sub have been together for a while. I have come to a tentative conclussion that all relationships are destine to be based of vanilla ideals and none will remain true to bdsm protocol. I guess it would be impossible to have a true 24/7 unless you live on an island by yourself.

Is the reason that some people go into Bdsm because they cannot find the love that they look for in the vanilla world. Is it because they cannot communicate honestly? Certainly the responses that I have gotten to my ad for property show me that they cannot communicate their honest desires for they themselves do not know them. They tend to use bdsm as an excuse for a failed life or trouble times. Confusing the desire to escape with a desire to experience a very defined lifestyle. Should anyone come across my ads for a slave /sub do not confuse the idea as kinky sexy play be fore warned that I intend to use your desires for my pleasure and your sexual fantasies as a tool to capture you and control you. You will have red face and a red ass during your stay with me and you will be property, nothing more!

In the light

Well protocol suppers have come and gone and though I did not attend it seemed to be a great sucess for Pierre and Catherine and I am happy for them they have worked hard and gone in the direction they wished to and have been sucessful.

CLoud

almost like streaking

Well the new age putting your thoughts down for all to see yet they might not. This concept of blogs, much like taking your clothes off in a forest or deserted area you might been seen yet the possibility is remote if you tell no one about what you are doing then no attention if is focused. Discovery is only by chance, an interesting feeling. the dream where you are naked in a school waiting for the doors to burst open with your classmates as you dash for the safety of the stairwell. Is this a way for big brother to find out your innemost thoughts, delivery to them by your own hand.

Would be nice to be innocent again would it no to look at things with out wondering about the true meanings or the imposed meaning of the culture you have or hail from. My visit to a hardware store has been changed , I would look at rope and think only about clothes lines or how nice it would be to own a boat now I think of Bondage and having a sub, yes I know to some that may mean a form of a boat but not in my eyes. Chain link fences provide a device to tie some one to and chains well lets just not go there. Innocence, I lost mine or discover my path depends how you look in grade five. A lovely redheaded women taught me the joys of spankings cross dressing, corporal punnishment and of being totally naked in front of someone. A very wild experience that showed me the joys of power control from both sides. Question is, was that being molested or nurtured in my growth? I guess it all as to do with interpertation and feelings. I have never felt violated as most do and I enjoy the time I spent with her and her friends. Everything in the eye of the beholder I guess!

of swords and maces

Medievil fairs and children crying, trolls and witches a quite enjoyable day I might say. Too bad not more of the group showed up. I have always enjoyed the time period and style of life in my opinion very close to my concept of the Bdsm lifestyle I find my self sort of in. I guess a major difference that I see is that the Bdsm lifestyle is consensual I doubt if the peasants of medievil times had the same freedoms that we do now, even though some of us do give them up. This of course is done willingly I wonder if I would be as enthusiastic if it was forced upon me, no I like to choose so it is nice to fantasize about it but when cold steel hacks off a limb I do not tink they experienced the same sub space as we do after a play session.

Consensual a word I have great respect for and I have great respect for those vanilla people who say yes to forays by their love ones into this arena of enjoyment. I also understand the internal conflick that is inside of them as they clench their fist at the mention of it.

I have a vanilla wife who truly does not like or want the lifestyle but accepts my interest in it as well as my interest in the medevil but knows that she cannot part-take in the non vanilla events. She would prefer if she never heard of it or had to deal with it. An episode in desperate houswifes changed her acceptance of it, but not her like or desire of it, she sees that the need inme is great. She also sees how true the friendship is from the people I call friends. She has tried to befriend some of my friends and went with the goup to the fair today. Not today but sometimes , in their attempt to awaken the desire in her,they try to expose her to the lifestyle which she has no interest. I saw today how much the violence of the fair affected her and know that she has a very great inner strength that showed through today I can imagine how much my choices must tax her on a day to day bases. I learnt today that there is a great difference between acceptance and consent, just because we are accepted does not mean that everyone who accepts us, wants to be part of the experience no matter how much we want them to be. We should all be so tolerant of other peoples choices, especially the choice if ignorance, lack of knowledge is blissful at times.